Sorry for MIA-ing lately! If you’ve been following my blog then you probably would know that I’m currently on my 6 weeks summer holidays. And I’m trying to make the most of my social life. So, many apologies for the minor updates. I promise I’ll come by and blog about my whole holiday when I’m finished partying with my loved ones. So in the meanwhile, leave me many formspring.me and I’ll get back at ya! :)
I wanted to write in here instead so it'd be more simpler!
I have a strange liking for french and latin phrases. They have such an eloquence to them that makes me very happy when I find them. :)
Also, I'm 15!
Oh, wow! You’re only 15? That’s amazing. I’d think you were 18? Haha.
Yeah! I like it too. They sound so sophisticated.. haha.
When god created us, he created us for a reason. That reason is simple, it’s for us to fall in love & be together forever. He created us so we could experience thick & thin together, see the world together. You’re my everything, my stars in the night sky, my heart in my chest, my air around me, my world. Without you shinning there everyday in front of me, it would be a day with no light in me, in my heart, in my world. I’d be dead. I love you.
If you like me, I’ll relish you. If you love me, I’ll treasure you. If you hurt me, I’ll destroy you.
There’s gonna be a point in life where you’re going to get hurt. Even by the people you love the most. And when that pain hits you, you’re gonna be confused, frustrated, angry and even cry. You’ll probably feel like you’ve hit rock bottom and there’s no way out of it.
Well, that’s what I’m feeling right now. I’m so angry at this very moment, that I don’t know what to do. All these fuckeries inside me is emotionally eating me inside out.
My brother, is one of the most obnoxious dickhead ever. Period! Whenever we get into a fight, he’d go into his room crying. He uses that against me. Whenever he goes crying, it makes me feel like shit. And that pisses me off. He uses the crying bullshit against me and he knows I’ll give in and apologies. I’m getting really sick of those stunts that he pulls. It’s fucking annoying and at the moment, I’m not giving a rat’s ass. It’s too much of a piss off to deal with.
Just when I thought I could go My heart is lost and you’re pulling me back again Wishing on a falling star Wish I could be where you are Somehow you came and changed my everything
When you’re not around I just feel a little down This is kinda silly right It’s not okay to me And I think I’m gonna hate it boy If you turn your back on me I don’t wanna let this go… But I’m wondering
How do I be careful Not to show you what I dream of Kinda crazy but I Replay replay replay When we’re together Every moment that I treasure Like a movie that I Replay replay replay
You know you’re my M.V.P., No one else has got what I need When it’s just us two I get shy but then you keep it so cool The way you’re always watching out for me And although I wanna believe Tell me I’m not just imagining…
“There comes a point where you miss someone so much that you can hear their voice echo in your head. And you can hear the names that they used to call you, the words they used to tell you. You memorized their laugh, their smile, and their silly ways. You can also feel their arms around you and you don’t want to let go even though you know it’s just an illusion. Everytime your phone rings, you smile because it’s them that’s calling. Everytime you hear their name, your heart beats 100 times faster and sometimes, you can’t even breathe. You knew that looking back on the tears would make you laugh, but you never knew that looking back on the laughs would also make you cry. All you want is to go back in time. not to the time that you first met, to the time that you were known as nothing, but strangers. But no matter what, you’re in denial. You hide your feeling so no one would know. You put on a fake smile and don’t let a single tear break through. You’re so used to hiding your feelings that you don’t even realize the pain you’re causing for yourself. Your thoughts becomes invisible. it’s still there, but no ones knows. Like a love letter you didn’t slow. And you’re hurting no one but yourself.”—
“Sometimes you think everything is wrapped inside a diamond ring. Love just needs a witness and a little forgiveness. And a Halo of patience, and a less sporadic pace. And I’m learning to be brave in my beautiful mistakes.”—Pink, Crystal Ball (via kidlovesdoodles)
Davee, you know how there is always a kid that misses out on one awesome toy. This toy is filled with fancy gadgets and accessories, it always has something new to say when you press the button and this toy is so expensive and out of your league. Well, I’m the kid and you’re my toy. I love you Davee Lyne Heng. You’re quite the lady, you smell great and you’re super awesome, what more could I ask for. — Danny, my Mr.
“I don’t want to feel inadequate anymore, I thought I was finally getting past it all. You showed me so many things I’ll always be grateful for, but at the end of it all, I realized you only gave me a taste, when I find real love, it’ll be so much more worthwhile. Thanks for letting me go, I guess secretly you knew I deserved better too.”—Unknown (via kidlovesdoodles)
soulverity: You think your actions are yours and my actions are mine, but with every action comes a reaction. Every decision that you make is accompanied by a result, consequence or repercussion. Every action has an aftermath, which means every one of your moves affects someone other than yourself. In actuality, your actions as well as mine are not only ours, but everyone else’s too.
she-whispers: Regardless of what you do, it leaves a mark. It could be positive or negative, depending on what it was and the level of impact. You can be forgiven but that doesn’t mean everything is now okay. You move on but the one that was hurt remains in the shadows. Hiding beneath smiles and the repeated “I’m fine”, they continue put their efforts into getting past the incident but it’s almost impossible. Like you said, “everything you do is accompanied by a result, consequence or repercussion.” I just wished that people would understand that.
I haven’t been well on my own lately. I don’t know what’s going through my head, or what I need to sort out. I have so many things coming up, and I’m not even close to excited. This holiday has gone by so quick. It’s senior year for me now and I’m kinda afraid. I’m gonna have to be committed to my studies and such. God, help me.
Well, another year has passed and another year older, another year wiser and as they say… another year close to death. Well, I don’t feel much older. But I definitely do feel wiser. So much things has changed since 2009. It was a great year though, but could’ve been better.
Ugh, fuck this. I’ll finish this off when I’m bothered.
“I’m laying here wondering if you want me to text you or if you’ve fallen asleep. I’m sorry if I woke you up. My gut tells me to text you. Goodnight and sweet dreams Davee. I love you so much. I had a great time yesterday. A little hint. You made it fun. Take care of yourself. I bet you smiled when you get this message. You owe me a soda.”—I don’t care how much sodas I owe you. I’ll give you a whole box. You’re so sweet. No joke!
Girls can wear jeans and cut their hair short and wear shirts and boots because it’s okay to be a boy; for girls it’s like promotion. But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading, according to you, because secretly you believe that being a girl is degrading.
Obviously, I am kinda self-doubting at the moment. I’m starting to really hate having the answers to questions I don’t get paid to answer. I need someone that can scratch my back and head, hold me, keep me positive, let me know I am doing good, encourage me and keep me going. I guess I’m getting better at losing control of all my emotions – both the good and the bad. I’ve got a jet black heart, it’s all jacked up and falling apart.
I wish I was like them, easily amused and euphoric. I can feel all those negative statics around me.
Kinda getting sick of the whole Taylor Momsen photo spam on my dashboard. And how people goes “What happened to Little J?” WELL, HOLLYWOOD HAPPENED. OK? STFU. SHE’S A CELEBRITY. SHE’S GROWING UP IN THE CELEB WORLD, OFCORSE SHE’S GONNA CHANGE. STOP WHINING AND SHIT ABOUT IT.
"Omg!! I want her legs!" - WELL, YOU AIN’T GETTING IT. WHO CARES? BE GLAD YOU HAVE LEGS!
It’s so frustrating seeing girls on Tumblr talking like that. Like dude, don’t you have any respect for your own body?
I may have had 2 real relationships before, but they weren't even close to a mature one.
veelosophy: I just have realized this too. I was thinking back about how my past relationships were before, and comparing them with the ideas of what a mature one is. It made me laugh.
My first one, our only communication was through AIM, or we would just see each other at school. We rarely fought, which you probably think is a good thing. We never really did hang out outside of school which was pathetic. So it was pretty much one of those just in school relationship kind of thing. It lasted a year, I don’t know how.
My second one was the worst of them all. Nonstop arguing. Being put down constantly. Having my life literally being taken away because he likes to tell me what I can do and cannot do. It was a living nightmare, and I was till caught up in him after our breakup for two fucking years.
I honestly can’t wait to have a real, mature one. Mature meaning we’ll be able to see each every other day or week, but we won’t grow dependent on each for happiness. But we still got to have communication going on, talking about everything to anything we are able to talk about. Trust and support is a must. Self-respect is what I need because I really don’t need to be walked on all over again. The past shall not be repeated. And of course, honesty and love. Hopefully, the moment I find someone who I can find a relationship with like this, I just hope he’ll be that one that I been looking for.
My first relationship was a ‘primary love’ kinda thing. We started dating in year 6, 14th April 2005. I don’t know what I was thinking. We went to the same school, had the same friends and everything. Dated for 3 years, but the sad thing is, we never went out on a date. Come to think of it, we never actually really hung out after school. Everyday we see each other at school, we’re always around each other and such. And when we get home, he’d always call me at 6 o’clock sharp and we’d just talk on the phone. And it was mostly silence. Which was one of the most boring conversations you can have with someone over the line! I don’t know how we lasted for 3 years, but I can’t say I regretted being with him because I did really cared for him, and I know he cared for me too. But he was soooo clingy! It didn’t end well. I cheated on him because I developed feelings for my second boyfriend.
My second relationship impacted me the most. I cheated on my first boyfriend for this guy. Our love was complicated. I don’t know how we ended like this, but I think it’s better for the both of us. Me and him didn’t really do much ‘couple’ things. He hated holding hands, kissing and hugging me in front of others. He wasn’t the cliche or the corny type. He wasn’t big on romantic stuff as well. The way I saw it, he always put things in front of me. For instant, his bestfriend, basketball and games. Overall, I was the ‘too much’ girlfriend and he was the ‘whatevz’ boyfriend. We dated for nearly 3 years as well. Since the 1st of February 2007. It’s so weird how we ended like this. I cared so much for him. We broke up twice. And I know that this time it’s the final decision. I lost a very important friendship with someone because I thought that my boyfriend would actually treat me better and differently from the first time we were together. But I was wrong. Although I don’t regret going out with him one bit. Me and his family connected really well. Well, atleast I felt like I connected well. His sister, @tadore is one of the biggest bitch ever, but I wouldn’t mind having a sista-in-law like her! He was never really the ‘talkative’ type. He hated me being sad or depressed. And whenever I am depressed, he’d be like “stop crying”. Well, stuff you. I’m pissed off, let me cry! Well, I just wish he cared more for me. I felt like he took me for granted and I hope he knows that too! But I guess I like how me and him are still talking as if we were bestfriends. I’ve learnt alot from dating this guy. And now, I’m just kinda turned off with the whole ‘commitment’ thing ever since dating this guy. But I guess I can’t be like this, and not ‘love’ anymore. I can’t just let one person who fucked my feelings up so hard prevent me to stop having anymore feelings.
At this very moment, I am seeing the best guy in the world. He just makes my world light up. Even though he lives an hour walk away from me, and we go to different schools, I still think that we’re gonna work out perfectly. It’s only been 3 weeks and I quite enjoyed it already. I love him to bitz!! I know it’s too soon and all that jazz to be talking about our own private lives, but I feel like I can trust this guy 100%. It took me about a year and a half to trust my second boyfriend, but it only took me about 3 weeks. I don’t know.. too soon? Well, it’s never too soon or too late to fall in love. I have to say… this relationship I am in makes me feel so mature. I feel like I can take on the challenges and such with this guy. I feel like he’ll be there to listen to me and talk to me about anything and everything. I like how he can’t sleep knowing that I’m not asleep yet. He sends me sweet good night and good morning sms every day. I love how he goes shopping with me and has that ‘annoyed’ face on because he hates shopping, but at the same time he fakes that smile because it’s for me! He’s just almost everything I want.
Stay tune with alot more posts about this nutcase!
I was looking through my old Bebo posts, and was just reading my blogs and I realized that I seriously need help with my depression. I’m such a fucking cry baby! I have so much mood swings, it’s not funny. But here’s a quote my bestfriend said to me directly:
"He’s gone, it’s the old him that you love. You expect too much and he can’t give that to you. You’re not his number one priority anymore. You’re not the most important person in his life anymore, it’s her. Not you, her. He moved on. So now it’s your turn. Take each day slowly one step at a time. 2 centimetres per day. Promise me you’ll stop crying. Promise me you won’t cry tonight. I know it hurts, but keep strong. Because remember, if you keep losing you’ll win big in the end. And I’ll be with you every step of the way. You want him but you don’t need him. Wants are just things you desire to have but sometimes you can’t always get what you want. He doesn’t know how special you are. Let it go. And as time pass, you won’t cry everyday, but maybe every now and then but atleast it’s not everynight. I won’t promise you that you’ll stop loving him but you’ll move on. In time .. and I’ll be here. Right beside you."
This is why Khoa means so much to me. He’s the greatest guy in the world. Any girl would be too lucky to have him! xx
… because i’m just a back-up plan when everybody else leaves. maybe i’m just a complete stranger to you when she’s around. and sometimes i get that tad bit of feeling where im so humiliated because i know that shes laughing hard inside, because you’re with her and im just standing there watching you two have a good time together. sure, i’m hurt. more hurt then ever. but you know what? it only lasts a few seconds. and i reckon that in the end, the one with a broken heart was you. not me. you.
“Perhaps, if I said no, would you keep chasing me until I stopped running? Or would you stop because those words only meant an end? Maybe you were tired. Maybe that’s why you stopped. Or maybe it’s because you weren’t true to your feelings. Those promises you made me & that 4 letter word that made all the problems disappear. But after all, they were just words. I was just foolish enough to trip over them while I was running away.”—
“Vincent, you’re dull is your problem. You’re conservative and stifling. You want me to be someone else. You can’t accept who I am. You stand there, you righteous prick, and try and tell me what to do? Fuck you, Vince. Fuck you, because you have no idea how to live. None. You court the sameness o life because it is safe. And you like safe.”—Blood Runs Cold - Alex Barcley
One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class, walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was
carrying all of his books.
I thought to myself, “Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.”
I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders, and just went on.
As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms, and tripping him so that he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass, about ten feet from him. He looked up, and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him.
So, I jogged over to him, as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, “Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives.”
He looked at me and said, “Hey thanks!” There was a big smile on his face. (It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.) I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before.
He said he had gone to private school before now. (I would have never hung out with a private school kid before.)
We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends. He said yes. We hung out all weekend, and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.
Monday morning came, and there was Kyle, with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, “Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday! ” He just laughed, and handed me half the books.
Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends.When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, and that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business, on a football scholarship.
Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn’t mehaving to get up there and speak.
Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had, and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous! Today was one of those days.
I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, “Hey, big guy, you’ll be great!” He looked at me with one of those looks (the real grateful one) and smiled. ”Thanks”, he said.
As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began,”Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach…but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you, that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story.”
I just looked at my friend with disbelief, as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker, so his Mom wouldn’t have to do it later, and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me, and gave me a little smile. ”Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable..”
I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his mom and dad looking at me, and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment, did I realize it’s depth.
Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture, you can change a person’s life. For better or for worse. God puts us all in each others lives, to impact one another in some way. Look for God in others.
I need to start of by saying that I’m sorry. Sorry for how I acted when I was with you. Sorry for my bitchy ways. I was foolishly in love with you. I swear, I was. You meant the whole fucking world to me. And I just needed to tell you that you’re still that one guy who I’ll never forget.
I need to tell you that I’ve moved on. I’ve been so happy lately that I’m doing crazy things. I know you might think it’s ‘too soon’, but I don’t wreckon so. Sorry if it sounds harsh to you, but it’s just the way I feel. I know it’s bitchy of me to move onto a new relationship after a 3 year with you. But I can’t help it. They’re my feelings.
But honestly, this guy’s been the best so far. He hasn’t said anything stupid or made me upset yet. He’s been such a cutie to me, I love it. Honestly, sometimes the things he does for and with me, I feel like it should be you. But then again, what we had was history and you had your chance. Sure, I’ll still think about you from time to time, but nothing more.
With everything said and put aside… I hope we can still be the best of friends like before. :)
It’s twenty ten and I’m enjoying every minute of it. I liked the first hour because I spent it with the one I loved. He makes me feel so happy and all fuzzy inside.
Anyway, last night was like all fucked up. I don’t know what happened. I just want to tell someone about it, but when I do open my mouth, nothing comes out. It’s like my throat has been slit and I can’t even talk.
I’m drifting away from alot of people in my life. My baby gal, my ex and my bestfriend. I feel so shit about it, I swear. It’s not funny. I want to be there for them and I want to talk to them, but it seems like we’re occupied with our own lives already.
I’ve got so much on my mind. I need to tell someone, but there’s no one to tell. They’re so busy.
Well, I’m falling in love. I know people say it’s too soon because it’s only been 3 weeks since I broke up with the ex. But I’m falling deeply inlove again. I don’t think it’s too soon nor do I give a fuck about what other people think. I hate it when people talk shit behind my back like they know all.
I’ve been feeling so happy lately, because there’s this guy who’s always there to make me happy. He makes me all fuzzy and stuff. I guess he’s the one who has made twenty ten a good start.
We spent the first hour of 2010 just sitting infront of his house, hugging and just starring at the stars and the moon. It’s so nice.
I just have so many things on my mind I need to get out. And one thing is that I’m dying to tell the ex about what’s going on. I want him to know that I’ve moved on. And that I’m so hurt from our previous relationship that I’m really turned off with all that commitment jazz. He made me lazy with my feelings. It’s like I can’t be bothered trying to see anyone anymore. He scarred me with everything we had. But I guess it’s unfair if I just get lazy with the boy I like now. I shouldn’t let the ex get in the way of how I feel about love and commitment itself.
I hate how I let all that shit run through my life. Being so committed to him when he didn’t even care. I’m tired now.
I guess it’s time to completely turn of my emotion for him. It’s not worth it.
I had the most awesome time last night. I loved how I spent the last 10 minutes of 2009. LOL, well… I spent 2 minutes of the last 10 minutes under Danny’s bed looking for Justin’s earing. And then the rest on the couch with all the friends watching the fireworks. It was such a great day. I swear I can replay it. I also baked a cake, it was like epic awesome! Justin said it tasted nice. Me, Huong, Linderr and Jamie guessed the ingredients. It turned out good! I liked it. :D Lol.
We also had pizza. We sat at the back of Danny’s backyard, with tables and chairs and everything. And just when we were about to eat, Scott said grace. It was so funny!
Oh! We played Pictionary as well. It was fucking funny. Scott is a cheater. I was teamed with Linderr in the first game, Scott was with Patrick, Danny was with Jamie. And then the second round it was me and Danny, Scott and Linderr, Jamie and Bruce. It was fun. We were going to play Charade, but we got lazy or maybe people just forgot. LOL
Overall, my new years was great. I really liked it. I like how I spent the first hour into 2010. I loved how I spent it with the group of friends last night. Two weeks ago I wouldn’t have even know who some of them were. They are such fun and nice people. Justin and Bruce are fucking awesome. Haha!
I hope everyone had a fun time on the last day of 2009. Cus I did. :) Take care and Happy New Years! :D
Today is New Years Eve. I am currently at home watching The Ring. I know right? What a way to end this year. I will also be going to Danny’s house later with Linderr. We’re gonna bake a cake and have champagne. It should be fun.
I have my fucking raspberry juice. It’s so uncomfortable. I had the biggest pain ever last night.
This year I’ve learnt quite alot of things. I went through so much shit it’s not funny. I made new friends, found old ones and loss many others along the track. 2009 made an impact on me. Through the year, I realized who my true friends were, who back stabbed me and which motherfuckker deserves to die.
I should be greatful for the people who came in my life this year. The goods and the bads. I enjoyed it.
Minh: You meant so much to me. You are the most caring person I know and I just wish that I have listened to you. I’m sorry for the fights and arguments we had. I hope 2010 we can re-build our friendship.
Khoa: MY BESTFRIEND. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. Thanks for being there for me throughout everything. I’m so glad you came into my life.
Linderr: My baby. I love you so much. Thanks for being there for me to rant to and everything. :D
Danny: I have nothing to say atm about you. You make me speechless.
Vinh: OMG, YOU DRIVE ME INSANE YOU JERK. You hurt me like it’s your job and shit. But yeah, thanks for just being the person on my mind, keeping me occupied and stuff. You made the biggest impact on me. And I hope our friendship will be stronger than ever. :)
Ying: You are one crazy motherfuckker. I like how you know what to say and you’re so opened up about the truth. Thanks. :)
… and to the other people who came into my life this year. I want to say Thank You. :)