Til’ this day, I’ve been mocking God alot. And I’m getting so much bad karma. But ever since the absence of my grandmother, my mum has made me realise how important it is to believe in something. Just simply praying can even bring you good deed. And as hard as I hate to admit it, I sometimes do pray to God for forgiveness or even getting good marks for my tests.
I’m such a fucking hypocrite. I’m currently hating myself so much for everything. My stubbornness and laziness makes me such a bitch. I hate to admit things and believe in things that are infact true.
Surely I believe that there’s no God that ‘created’ the world, but I’m not Christian. And I don’t think I will ever believe in such thing. (Sorry to those Christians, no offense. And I’m sorry Tadore cus you’re Christian.) But I do believe that there is a God that looks down upon us.
But one thing I believe in is miracles and faith. I believe that what you do today is what’s gonna make you tomorrow. The passing away of my grandmother made me realise that maybe it’s good to look up to something and believe in them because in the end, there will always be good deed heading your way. And I’m admitting it now, I’m sorry for mocking God and everything evolved around him. I’m sorry for being so stubborn and hypocritical about him. I tell people I’m Athiest but infact sometimes when I’m in a really bad situation, I tend to pray. It’s something I do often because I always believe that if someone can grant me something I want, I may achieve it.
I’m gonna be a proud Buddhist, since my mother is a Buddhist and my grandmother tells me stories about him. On the other hand, my dad’s side of the family are Christians. But if being Buddhist is gonna make me a better person, looking up to someone as superior as God then I’m glad. I want to have someone who I can talk to when everyone else is gone.
Grandma, I miss you.